Mood:  don't ask

Many days have gone by and yet I fear I am sinking yet again.  I've noticed the meds no longer working, the mood swings returning and the darkness slowly taking me back over.  I fight these swings for one and only one right now, and yet I get nothing in return, why bother, why care?

Each day I sit here fighting for each breath, each enjoyable thought, my sanity, and now love.  I don't know why, I mean I end up only hurt so why try?  If he loves me, he will come to me, if he wants me he will share in my pain and sorrows for he thinks of nothing other than himself I fear.  To lie to me is a test one shall fail, to tell me the truth is a test of my pain.  I wish not to be lied to but I do not want the pain, but it comes anyways when the lie is reveiled.  I want him happy, I really do, for I do not wish this darkened shadow to overwhelm him as well, and yet it is such a lonely place here.